I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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