it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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