I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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