You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
