Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize