I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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