Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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