We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
