Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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