My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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