I wannas sexs uuuuu
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
