I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
