Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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