Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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