Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
