put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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