fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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