I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are we still banned from the library?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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