Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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