Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
