His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
