problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
