Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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