The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
