Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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