Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
