Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
