so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
