I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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