Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
