before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
