Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
