Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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