I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
