I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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