She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
