roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
