I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've blown a few things in my day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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