Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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