What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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