I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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