cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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