They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i've created a new STD.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
