thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
