wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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