There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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