My Higher Power is John Stamos
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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