yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize