I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Boobs speak an international language.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
