he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
