Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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