I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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