i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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