I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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