People with herpes should wear stickers.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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