There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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