Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Welp...herpes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's shark week go big or go home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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