I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
