cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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