I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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