Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
