The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize