The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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