hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
