life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
