At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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