I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
