Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
