Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
