Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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