yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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