You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
