And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
