WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You took a bar mat shot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
