We need to rekindle our bromance
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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