guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
