Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
