hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
